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Wanderlust and Babies – The Lesbian Parenting Edition!

Due to financial and other considerations, a lot of people think in terms of travel or babies, rather than travel AND babies. So, why do I suddenly have a strong desire to get pregnant when I’m leaving on open-ended travels in less than a month?

For lesbian couples there is less of an automatic expectation of becoming parents so it would be even easier to let the clock run down on my fertility (I’m 32).

The reasons I’ve got babies on the brain

1. A 40 year old family friend who was living overseas just had to have an EXTREMELY late DNC because she found out her pregnancy (her first) was abnormal. The baby had a very deformed brain + lots of other deformities and wouldn’t have survived. Because she was living overseas she didn’t have the maternity care she would’ve normally had at home and therefore didn’t find out this news until she had her first scan very late in the pregnancy.

Of course Halle Berry is pregnant at 46 but the reality is that the later into my 30s I leave it, the less chance I have of getting pregnant and the more chance there is of abnormalities.

2. Kathryn and I have been spending about 4 months of each year traveling separately (not consecutive months). For example, Kathryn does medical volunteering in Cambodia and I would’ve lost too much income if I had accompanied her on those trips as well as doing the 3 months of a year of pleasure travel I’ve been doing solo (during northern hemisphere summer when she can’t get any time off work).

It would’ve been stupid to have a baby and for one of us to be separated from the baby for 4 months a year. So, previously my choice really has been travel or babies.

Now that we’re going to be doing more traveling together, this means I no longer feel like having a baby is an impossibility.

3. Access to sperm.

There aren’t sperm banks in New Zealand like there are in the US. Last time we looked into it, we were told there was a 1 year wait list through the local fertility specialists and when we got to the top of the waitlist we would likely have had a choice of only 1-3 donors.

It’s terrifying to consider having a baby that will have 50% of it’s genes from a stranger when you have no way of knowing if they’re mentally stable etc. I want more than 1-3 profiles to choose from.

It’s conceivable that we could try getting pregnant while traveling in the US.

So, where are we at?

Kathryn has never imagined she’d have kids and I’ve always assumed I would, so she’s going to take a bit of convincing! (I have no plans to bully her into something she doesn’t want to do so we will see what she decides.)

3 Comments


  1. //

    Having children is an experience that I cannot put words to. It is so special. If you are thinking about it, I would encourage you to go for it! You’ll never regret it. :) Your story about your friend having to terminate her pregnancy is sad. I had terrible complications with my last pregnancy but, thanks to an extremely experienced and brave specialist, the baby was able to receive in utero treatment, and now he is 2 years old and perfectly healthy. Most pregnancies are normal, but as you said, the chance of having a problem does go up with every year, especially after 35.


  2. //

    Thanks Jenna – It’s funny how I haven’t been sure until now and all of a sudden I feel sure.


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